Unexpected Gifts
I placed a brown wicker chair in my yard, digging my toes into the soft, green grass. In front of me, I marveled at my patch of brightly colored zinnias and how the butterflies danced among them, delicately sipping the flower’s nectar. Birds flitted between the cherry tree branches beside me as I breathed the summer air deeply, finding my calm and listening for God’s voice.
Nature is an anchor, always ready to steady my unsettled heart.
After a week of emotional turbulence, a settled heart is what I longed for most. Somewhere in between doctor’s calls, scheduling appointments, and surgery date mix-ups, my perspective had changed. I started to view cancer as an uninvited guest, an enemy who came to steal and destroy, instead of believing cancer is part of the story God is writing for my life.
That change in perspective shifted my thoughts' trajectory and my heart's posture. I allowed my mind to drift to a place full of what-ifs, coulds, and maybes. I even broke my number one rule and panicked.
My heart was showing its propensity to wander, and I was eager to move forward out of the negativity.
My high school English classroom walls were plastered with handwritten signs, each displaying a quote or adage meant to inspire the students. Captivated by the wit and wisdom found on those walls, I often read the signs more than I listened to my teacher. One saying, in particular, stood out and remains in my mind today: If a worm lives in horseradish, he believes the whole world is horseradish.
In other words, perspective changes everything. Through time and experience, I have discovered not all perspective is created equal. More specifically, God’s perspective changes everything.
Where earthly perspective falls short, God’s wisdom brings abundant life. He desires to change our perspective as we lean into Him.
When I find myself falling into anxiety and worry, I know it’s time to reorient my focus back to God’s wisdom. If I believe that God’s promises are true, I should spend my days expecting to find evidence of their truth. I train myself to notice God’s hand in the every day realities around me.
Since I believe God is good, I look for His good.
Since I believe God is merciful, I look for His mercy.
Since I believe God is steadfast and faithful, I look for evidence of His hand in my life.
Since I believe God’s word is true, I look for affirmation of scripture in my circumstances.
If we choose to seek God’s perspective, He replaces our uncertainty with peace.
As I sat in my yard that summer day, drinking in the beauty of nature around me, God whispered to my heart this question: what if cancer gives more than it takes? My spirit sighed in relief; I knew this was the change in perspective I needed.
I opened a fresh notebook page and wrote two lists. First, a list of what cancer has taken from me:
the illusion of control over my health
my left breast (on 8/11)
a season of time
The second is a list of all the things cancer has given me so far:
Reminders of the many people who care about me
Affirmation of relationships I was unsure of
New relationships and connections with people who share similar experiences
A slowed pace of life, more time to focus on God and my people
Depth in relationships, confirming “my people”
The experience of being prayed over
Praying with my husband
An awareness of how I fit into the larger body of Christ through my blog and my writing
Opportunities to share my story and point others to God
A new understanding & outlook on doctors, medicine, and medical procedures
Opportunities for those who love me to trust God and rely on Him, and the joy of watching them grow
Personal and spiritual growth
Affirmation of my gifts of writing and encouragement
Boldness in my walk with Christ and courage to be a leader
Repeated evidence of God’s providence
As I considered the contrast in my lists, it was obvious that cancer is an unexpected gift rather than an unwanted guest. As I closed my notebook, I thanked God for meeting me right where I was.
Even in my doubt and uncertainty, He lovingly guides me back to His truth which brings peace.
I wonder what in your life needs a change in perspective. What circumstances leave you weary and unsettled? Could you be brave enough to ask God to help you see things differently? Would you open your heart to the possibility that what you see as an uninvited guest is actually a precious gift?