Goldfish, Guppies & Kindergarten
It was there when I decided to stop working full time and stay home with my son.
I felt It when I knew I should join Compel and start writing.
It consistently nudged me to start my blog.
It’s a deep, steady voice in my heart that clearly gives direction and assurance. I cannot ignore It, although I’ve tried. It tugs, nudges, and prods me until I walk in the way It desires. The moment I move forward in Its direction, I feel peace and security.
As I’ve grown in my relationship with God, I’ve come to know It as the Holy Spirit — God’s Spirit living in my heart and leading me on the path He has paved for my life.
I’m not sure if others feel the nudge in their soul like I do, but It has been there for as long as I remember. I’m sure to some it sounds a little crazy, and strange. But I cannot imagine walking this earth without It.
It was there at the end of March when I found myself in a sudden and unexpected position. The elementary school where I am a substitute needed someone to fill in for a teacher taking an unanticipated leave.
They asked me.
To be honest, I was wading through the waters of depression, struggling emotionally and personally. The very last thing I felt I could do was add the responsibility of teaching Kindergarten full time to my plate.
Although I was confident in my ability to manage a classroom and teach effectively, my mental, and emotional capacity felt uncertain. How in the world would I juggle the overwhelming struggles I was navigating, my responsibilities as mom and wife, and my commitment to writing?
I know God has called me to write.
Knowing the time and capacity that both require, I felt certain I could not do a good job teaching Kindergarten and writing.
My brain kept insisting it was impossible, yet the Spirit in my heart kept interrupting and encouraging me to walk forward into Kindergarten.
The thing I know is: the nudge of the Holy Spirit has never led me wrong.
I’ve been quiet on my blog for the past 8 weeks because I have been teaching Kindergarten. Sometimes, God takes us on a detour — except what I’ve come to realize is that what feels like a detour to us, is really just God’s path.
He uses all of it, we just have to open our hearts and eyes to see Him.
Last Friday was my last official day in Kindergarten, and gosh, I miss those little smiles already. As I wrapped up my day Friday the nudge was back, this time it was a settled feeling of peace and contentment, knowing that God had used those 8 weeks in my life to reveal so many things to my heart.
One of those lessons came in plastic bags delivered to me about 2 weeks into my time in Kindergarten. My grade partner casually mentioned the goldfish and guppies were going to be delivered that week. No one had told me about goldfish and guppies. Turns out, I would not only be responsible for 29 children, but also for 2 goldfish and 4 guppies. What at first seemed like an unexpected burden of responsibility, quickly turned into a delight. God, in His tender way, sent the joy of nature into my classroom. I couldn’t help but look at those fish and smile. Excitement filled the children’s faces as they entered the classroom each day and checked in on the little friends swimming in their tanks. I was given the gift of teaching Kindergarteners about part of God’s amazing creation (although I couldn’t say it that way) and watching them delight in it. It was a beautiful reminder that God reveals himself to us through His creation and is always present — even in Kindergarten classrooms — when we pause long enough to notice.
Goldfish and guppies are just a small piece of the truths God revealed to me in Kindergarten. The affirmation of the many gifts He has given me left the biggest impact on my heart. With that affirmation came a reminder that I can use them for His glory wherever I am, in any circumstance.
We have an opportunity to reflect our Father wherever He puts us. This truth was expressed in messages from parents sharing how I impacted their children positively, and the teacher’s kind words about the impact my help made on her ability to recover well.
Kindergarten also served to affirm my call to write. My notions about the capacity it takes to teach full-time and the capacity it takes to write were true. My time in Kindergarten helped to quiet the questions in my head about where God wants me to focus. Though there are still many fuzzy details, I feel more confident and settled in my call to write. I’m trusting God to fill in the missing pieces.
Life on this earth does not come with a road map. My desire to choose the “right” path sometimes leaves me feeling crippled and unsure of how to best move forward. I think you may sometimes feel that too. I’ve always believed God uses everything for our good, but Kindergarten showed me I wasn’t really living like I believed that truth. I was often letting the fear of a wrong choice get in the way of allowing God to teach me through the circumstances in front of me.
I see now that believing God uses everything for our good looks like stepping into circumstances we may not understand and opening our eyes in the middle of them. Those moments in life when we say, “really God, this” are the spaces ripe with opportunities to learn and grow our faith.
If I wouldn’t have chosen Kindergarten I would have missed out on goldfish, and guppies. I would have missed out on the laughs, hugs, and smiles of 5 and 6-year-old cuties. I would have lost the affirmation of my gifts, the gratitude of others, and the understanding of my capacity to teach and write.
I’m thankful that I didn’t write Kindergarten off as a detour, but embraced it as an unexpected part of God’s path.
Friend, I don’t know where God is taking you. I know for certain He has a plan to grow you in the places you least expect it. Keep your eyes and heart open to His nudge.